Another Tricky Day

It's been a while since I last posted. It was really something that I had planned to do at least weekly but things professionally haven't been that great recently, for about two years really I haven't been 'myself' due to work issues (the 'day' job). It recently came to a head when I took the brave, or stupid some may think, decision to resign. The stress of work caused me quite severe mental issues. What used to be called a breakdown, or before that melancholia. It impacted me a lot over a long period of time but I'm coming out of it finally and life is finally looking better.

It leaves in with a different issue though. In the 50 years since leaving school I've never found myself in a situation where I'm unemployed and have no discernible income other than my state pension. I'm at an age where finding new work won't come easy. What I've found out though, over the years and on many occasions, is that I cannot rely on income from my photo archive or writing to sustain me. I'm am lucky though that, despite the mental health issues I have suffered, I'm still mentally active enough to keep busy on many projects which will probably never see the light of day :-)

It's a strange place I find myself in. I still feel that I have much to offer, despite being at that age where things stop looking so bright. I've always been a glass half empty man, I'm big enough to admit that, bit I've always managed to get by and pull myself out of situations. This situation feels new though and I'm not sure where I go. It feels like a customer service operator behind a till in one of the large supermarkets is calling. Customer services and me, words I never thought I'd use in the same sentence.

To push me into doing more, I am resurrecting the Naked Eye special editions again, starting with the Tommy edition I shelved a few weeks back. In the longer term I still have the second volume of Anyway Anyhow Anywhere 1979 - 2026 to complete.

It was sad in a way to leave work as I was good at it, but I consider it was the necessary step to take, despite the financial risk.

I would love to start doing more photography again. I think music is now out of the question unfortunately. I've banged on that door long and hard enough to realise that nobody is home. I've never really had any patrons or PRs / Management willing to give me another go. I'm not sure why. In a recent post on Instagram I said that I had fallen in love again with my photography. I've written before about imposter syndrome and how that affects me, but looking at my archive again, I do believe in my abilities, just don't have an outlet. So, I'm going to try some different photography - landscapes, portraits, anything really. Try for a different market. The writing will continue and I'd hope to have the Naked Eye special out in around 6 weeks.

I don't think I'll ever be a man of leisure, that's just not me. I do have a really good work ethic and I'm hoping that this change will help me turbo drive some of my other work, which I need to accept really are just hobbies.